


tell ourselves a good lie

by Wishopenastar



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: A bit sweary, Angst, Fluff, Highschool AU, M/M, Tutor AU, fake break up AU, i dont speak american, nerd Neil, the origins of squid Andrew
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-22
Updated: 2020-02-22
Packaged: 2021-02-27 18:42:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,716
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22850383
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wishopenastar/pseuds/Wishopenastar
Summary: The 'I don't want to fall in love with you because we'll never date, let's break up' fic.AKA: communication issues, Neil being oblivious and Andrew thirsting.
Relationships: Matt Boyd/Danielle "Dan" Wilds, Neil Josten/Andrew Minyard, minor Renison - Relationship
Comments: 9
Kudos: 210





	tell ourselves a good lie

**Author's Note:**

  * For [DeyaAmaya](https://archiveofourown.org/users/DeyaAmaya/gifts).



> This fic is a birthday gift to DeyaAmaya who got me into this fandom.  
> Happy birthday Deya!  
> I'm sorry this is a bit late, I spent the entire day dithering on titles.  
> Thank you to Wishbonetea for putting in punctuation, Neil's struggle is real.   
> I hope you like this.  
> Deya's prompts were: professionals/Highschool AU with breakup or fake breakup with good cause. I might have derailed a bit though. 
> 
> Edit: The (chosen at 2 am) title has been changed.  
> Title from Billie Eilish's 'i love you'.

Words are easy to some people. They open books and they open their word documents and their sentences make sense.

It wasn't so for Neil Josten.

At least his English teacher Ms Winfield seemed to think so. “A tutor would be able to help you with the framing and structure that your work lacks,” she had said. “It’s not that you lack ideas; I quite enjoyed your opinions on how Elizabeth was written as a hypocrite even after she overcame her supposed prejudice in your essay last week.”

Neil had loved Pride and Prejudice much more than he had expected to. The essay had come with ease—ease that he imagined most people had while writing everything.

Neil nodded but he must have looked lost because Ms Winfeld further said that she could give him further recommendations for students who could tutor him. He wondered if Dan had a few hours free to tutor him.

  
  


It was Aaron who found him a tutor in the end.

“You know Andrew? He says he's willing to do the shorter essay classes in exchange for you helping him out with trigonometry.”

Neil looked up from his homework. “He despises me,” he said. It was true, Andrew had never talked to him in the scores of time he had been over to see Aaron, and it wasn't like they had a bad history or absolutely nothing in common; they were both good friends with Kevin Day.

Neil had given up trying to puzzle Andrew out, and now Andrew was offering to tutor him.

Aaron attempted to reassure Neil,“Andrew despises everyone and you know that. Don't take it personally.”

It still stung especially since Neil had not actually done anything to merit his dislike. 

“I was going to ask Dan, but I guess Andrew will do.”

  * •



Some days, trigonometry felt like a log on Andrew's shoulders. He was not bad at math, but he absolutely hated his teacher Mr Testsuji and the way he taught from day one; which essentially meant he didn't pay enough attention in the beginning and now, as the class moved ahead, Andrew floundered.

That wasn't exactly why he had decided to ask Josten to help him out after he overheard Abby talking to him in her class while Andrew waited outside to show her his poem they had talked about a few days ago.

Aaron had scoffed at him and said something about blue eyes when he asked him to pass the message to Neil, which had earned him a pillow viciously aimed at his gonads.

Aaron later passed him Neil's phone number. Andrew never really used his phone but exceptions could be made.

Andrew texted Neil.

Andrew: When R U free?

Andrew: This is Andrew

Josten: I am free on weekdays from 4 onwards unless I have Exy practice. We can meet in the study rooms.

Andrew: Why am I not surprised u play Exy?

Neil: Because I'm friends with Kevin. I'll see you in school. Bye!

He put all that he wished to say in a single abrupt text rather than a string of texts, which he wrote out with perfect grammar and punctuation, almost as if it was Andrew who needed English classes. Neil was also an expert in ending conversations.

Working with him was going to be interesting. 

  * •



Andrew tutoring Neil apparently meant going through Neil’s essays from the past few months and then asking him to talk about the books that he had liked. The discussion went on for the better part of an hour before he took out spectacles from his pockets and started to write something in his notebook.

Neil looked into the notebook, Andrew had been making a list, from his vantage Neil read-

  * Punctuation!?!
  * Commas are not everything
  * Structure 
  * Argument presenting without picking fights in the report. (Doable?) 



Andrew made a copy of the list and gave one to Neil. “We'll discuss proper structure for different kinds of essays tomorrow. For now lets work on editing one.” 

Andrew took out a red pen and he picked his way through each and every sentence in Neil’s work showing him where he went wrong in writing or punctuation and explaining how teachers would deduct points from an essay for the mistakes. 

Later, Neil started teaching Andrew trigonometry from the graphs in Andrew's textbook which Mr. Testsuji had brushed over since they were of not much use according to him.

“So this is pi and it shows 180 degrees difference whenever it or any integer multiple of it comes,” Neil started, using his chewed up pencil as a pointer. “In the sin curve it would mean a value of zero while in a cos curve it is -1. See how? The crest suggests a value of the magnitude one and the trough is -1.”

Andrew watched Neil's pencil as it moved deftly across the notebook plotting graphs and making right-angled triangles. Their meaning became clearer when the values he had memorised actually had a reason behind them. Neil was a good teacher; patient when he needed to be slow and never once underestimating or overestimating Andrew's capacity to understand what he was saying.

The library meetups became a regular occurence. Even as they both showed marked improvements in their grades—with Andrew actually pulling the highest scores in the test Mr Testsuji put out a month later, and while the words were still just as elusive for Neil, once he got them down he at least knew what to do with them. 

The meetups then migrated from the library to the nearby IHop and the school bleachers where Andrew watched Neil smoke his first cigarette with glee. Soon they went to each other's homes. Nicky, Andrew's cousin at whose house the twins stayed, was shocked seeing Neil come over and ask for Andrew instead of Aaron. Aaron took the friendship in stride and surprisingly so did Kevin.

Andrew loved spending so much time with Neil; Neil was a perpetually distracted person, though he never used his phone to share his distractions, especially if they were within a 400m radius of each other. Somehow they both had each other's schedules memorised and Neil would come to his class at random times to speak to him about algae or the lifespans of turtles or Bucky ‘trim tab’ Fuller or whatever else had occupied his mind that day. Andrew would talk of books, and rant without fear of judgement. Sometimes they went out and got ice creams from a local corner shop together—well, Andrew got ice cream. Neil ordered gross carrot concoctions that he inevitably declared to be too sweet and handed over to Andrew. Andrew called Neil's mother Ms. Hatford,  _ never _ Mary, since that's what she asked him to call her.

They started a game of exchanging truths as they sat on Neil’s fourth floor windowsill.

“I'll trade a truth,” Andrew would say. 

“—I once wanted to become a dolphin. You?”

“I always wanted to be a doctor.”

“Are you dating Renee?”

“She's my best friend, besides I am not interested in  _ girls  _ that way. You?”

“I don't think I am interested in anyone.”

  * •



Aaron once asked Andrew if he and Neil had finally removed their heads out of their asses and started dating, to which Andrew had gone mildly hysterical in his mind. His friendship with Neil did seem a lot like dating, only without the aknowledged dates, kissing or sex, and after Aaron asked that awareness tingled with Andrew each time they got together.

Aaron wasn't the only one who noticed. Kevin and Nicky would ask him where his boyfriend was sometimes and even Erik congratulated him over the phone one day. In the end, he felt like he needed to call a family meetup to announce how not dating he and Neil were, which was frankly humiliating.

The next time he was over at Neil's, the idea struck him; everyone was sure they were dating and if Andrew corrected them then Aaron would try to set him up with people not half as interesting as the boy beside him, who was empathetically not interested. Neil himself said that both romance and the idea of sex squicked him out. If that wasn't a gentle let down Andrew was a squid; unrequited infatuation was not good for his health. They were good friends,and Neil was a thirst trap., Andrew didn't know if he could go on being friends with him without getting hurt.

Andrew looked over at Neil who was lying in semi darkness in the pillowfort they had built because Andrew wanted to, his eyes were closed and Andrew unbridledly stared.

“Truth?” Andrew asked Neil. 

“Go ahead.”

“Are you honestly not interested in the idea of me as your boyfriend?” Andrew asked, because of course he had to pick the stupidest opening to tell Neil his plan.

“I—no.” Neil’s words stung a lot more than they were supposed to.

“Then breakup with me.” 

Neils eyes went wide as saucers. “I don't understand.”

“People think we're a couple and I want to break them of that impression so we should break up. That would get them to stop asking me about you.” 

It would also help Andrew get over Neil and his infuriating good looks if they were no longer as close as they were, then but he wasn't about to say that. The words sounded dumb even in his own mind. 

“What would breaking up entail?” Neil asked.

“We don't see each other in public and our visits are limited to your place.” Andrew was glad to sound put together at least, as if what he was saying was a result of a few days thinking and not a one minute plan he was going though out of sheer stubbornness to not fall in love with a stupid oblivious idiot. 

Neil smiled at Andrew. “I can do it.”

  * •



Neil could not do it.

Fighting with Andrew had been easy before because the fights never lasted, tended to be private, and tended to involve Neil teasing Andrew for his love for Gerald Durrell.

This fight was dredged up weapons of their past as they had earlier agreed it would, and it went viral on something called tiktok. 

It left him out of sorts for days. Even as Andrew sat in Neil’s kitchen, eating the donuts his mom made in a fit of stress-baking, Neil couldn't stop his mind replaying Andrew saying you're horrible at seeing such fucking obvious things.

He saw Andrew less and less after that, almost as if Andrew himself were staying away from him. 

He used to hate using his phone, and now it became one of the few ways he could talk to Andrew it further cemented his dislike for the infernal device. It was irritating and not the real thing that was being with Andrew. The phone didn't translate Andrew’s smirks, it muffled Andrew's voice taunting him, and it never gave him enough perspective to see if Andrew actually hated him now. Neil couldn’t even tell if Andrew had meant what he said in the fight because Neil could no longer see the microexpressions that showed when Andrew was lying.

At least Andrew still texted him first sometimes.

Aaron was still Neil's friend but he had cooled towards him, so Neil predominantly stayed with Dan and Matt who had fiercely taken his side in a fight that didn't even exist.

The only person who knew both Andrew and Neil and didn't change their behaviour around Neil was Renee. She was his biology lab partner and Andrew's best friend. Neil suspected she knew that the breakup was fake because the relationship was fake. Her girlfriend Allison still gossiped with Neil, he was glad for the normality.

He often looked out for Andrew in the hallways, and once when he inevitably caught Andrew's eyes he felt like a deer in headlights.The smile he gave was probably more like a grimace.

Andrew seemed to be doing okay. Neil used to be able to state the reason for the bags under Andrew's eyes, but not now. Now he could just text Andrew about them and ask if he was even sleeping and wait for a non answer. He almost hoped that Andrew was hurting over their ended friendship as much as Neil was. Neither of them were each other's impulse control when it counted.

Kevin Day had shouted at him for his distractedness in Exy practice and Neil was seething at himself as he made his way back from Exy practice but he stopped short when he saw an unmistakable blond head sat high up on the bleachers, kissing someone. He shook his head and was going to pinch himself when they parted. Neil ignored the other boy heading back inside in favour of watching Andrew walk towards Kevin who, like Neil, was also dumbfounded.

Neil turned as the two of them left and something ugly twisted inside of him.

He went back home and read months of text conversations, filling in the gaps in his head from conversations spoken aloud. He had an outlandish idea beacuse if Andrew could make stupid as fuck decisions on impulse then so could Neil.

He changed into a t-shirt that Andrew had given him, featuring the picture of a ship’s trim tab in a geodesic dome to commemorate Neil's obsession phase over Buckminster Fuller. It was his favourite nerd t-shirt but he hadn't worn it in ages, he put it on because it felt apt.

Andrew's house was at the other end of the town and it took entirely too long to drive there. The doorbell had never been so viciously rung before.

Andrew was the one who answered the door. “Neil—”

Neil's eyes couldn't seem to unstick from the very obvious red bruise on Andrew's neck, and he cut in before Andrew could finish whatever he had started to say. “You have a hickey.”

“We're not dating so you don't have a right to mind what I do with someone else.”

“Truth?” Neil asked and Andrew nodded. “Was I honestly such a shitty boyfriend that you broke up with me before I realised what we were and before we did anything?”

“You said you weren’t interested in me.” Andrew looked calm but his tone was almost deranged as deranged as Neil was feeling. 

“What if I've changed my mind about whatever was going on then?” 

“You can't just change your mind about the past and expect me to go along with it.”

“Fine! I miss you. You said we would keep talking but you don’t come over to my place anymore and you don’t answer any of my texts. You don't want me anymore and that will be completely okay when I get over you. But at least give me a reason why you broke up with me as my best friend.” The last sentence came out as the pitiful plea that it was.

Andrew took a deep breath “I was half in love with you, you weren’t interested, and I am impulsive but I do know how to get the fuck out of a situation that is going to go to hell if I stay.” Andrew's hands were clenched into fists as if he was digging his nails into them to keep them in place. 

“What if I want you to stay?” Neil asked, he sounded much braver and less surer than he felt. 

“Ask me.” Andrew stepped right into Neil's space and his hands unclenched. 

“Stay with me?”

“Always.” 

Andrew made to touch Neil's rib cage,” Is this okay?” He waited for Neil to assent. 

It had been weeks before Neil had touched Andrew's arm when they became friends. It was weeks after they broke up that Neil touched Andrew's face. It was soft and so was Andrew's hair. Neil's hands couldn't stop roaming and marking uncharted planes on Andrew's body. 

Kissing Andrew felt unlike anything he had subconsciously imagined Andrew's lips were chapped yet tasted of the chocolate chapstick Neil had brought him as a gag gift, that was the last second coherent thought Neil managed before he couldn't think much. 

The last one was that Andrew had wormed his place in Neil's heart and as his friend and he had agreed to stay.

  * •



  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Neil's obsession with Bucky Fuller is mine. How awesome do you need to be to get a carbon allotrope named after you?  
> Thanks for reading this!


End file.
